first, let me make one thing clear:

even if someone offers you a fucking GOLD BRICK do not go see Once Upon a Time in Mexico!!

if you do, youll be throwing that gold brick at someone's head, i promise you. good lord that movie sucked... OUTM (as it shall henceforth be known) should have STAYED in mexico... or, on second thought, maybe not... theyd all run across the border trying to get away from this pathetic turd of a movie.

somebody needs to remind rodriguez that spy kids 3d was supposed to be the last spy kids movie... evidently he forgot and decided to release spy kids 4: OUTM. im not kidding... this movie was more about REALLY pathetic campy stunts, spy-kids-style camera work, and "gee, that *would* be really funny... if i were a retard!" attempts at humor... the movie is almost a spoof of itself... its like if desperado got the austin powers treatment... but in a bad way.

the only way this movie might be worth anything is if they set up huge arrays of jumbotrons in the afghanistan hills and showed it 24/7 until bin laden finally hung himself to make it stop. this movie was approaching "battlefield earth" bad... seriously...

on the other hand, "underworld" had the potential to seriously suck, and instead only sorta sucked. the worst thing about underworld is that you can tell there is a good movie in there, if only they hadnt done such a poor job editing the damn thing... its just SOOO close to being great that it makes it all that much harder to watch... recut the film, knock about 30 minutes off it, and youd have a winner...

well, almost a winner. thanks to a really bizzare casting choice, the flick would miss greatness even if it were tightened up... the head bad guy, "kraven" (and who the fuck comes up with these names?), is just so out of place... it is never made clear where the movie takes place, but you get the idea that it is somewhere in europe... every member of the cast has a vague euro-trash accent, except for kraven, who sounds as out of place as costner in robin hood... every time the guy opens his mouth, it breaks the mood of the movie. not to mention he totally misses the euro-trash look, which the rest of the cast has down pat... im guessing because most of them actually ARE euro-trash...

so, in conclusion: OUTM = two thumbs in my fucking eyesockets to make sure i never see this crap again, and underworld = two thumbs flicked under my chin, euro-style, at the sorry editing and casting...