again, i remind you: all you can eat buffet of movies...

truth is, this flick wasnt that bad... it wasnt great, but it wasnt terrible, and its pretty well the only 3D movie to come out in years... thats why i went to see it, really... i have fond memories of many really REALLY bad 3D movies as a kid, ranging from the aquatic pirhanna 3D and jaws 3D to saturday-morning '50s horror classics like "the mask"... and one particularly bad mad-max clone that i cant remember at the moment (if anyone thinks of the title, let me know, its making me nuts... all i remember is it was a really really long title [edit: thanks to a friend of mine, i now know this piece of trash was Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn])...

the bad thing about indulging nostalgia is you never remember the BAD things about all those good things you remember... like the unbelievable headache that goes with wearing red and blue glasses on your head for an hour and a half... or the paper cuts behind the ears from the cardboard construction of those glasses... i mean, god damn, its been two hours and i STILL cant see straight... it was kinda funny when i was a kid, but less so now...

youd think that 3D technology would have come a little further in the last decade plus, but no, its still red and blue lenses, making the whole movie into psychedelic shades of strobing red-blue-purple... although i have to admit the stereo separation seemed to be much better than the older movies, giving a more impressive sensation of depth... too bad they feel they have to rub your nose in it several times a MINUTE... some things never change evidently, because this movie was as bad or worse than back in the day about CONSTANTLY sticking some damn thing or another out of the plane of the screen and into your face... as if youre somehow going to forget that youre in a fucking 3D movie when you have those stupid glasses strapped to your head...

wooOOOoooOOO 3D! 3D! 3D! hey, in case your forgot, this is in motherfuckin' THREE DEE, bitches! you better duck, or youll get hit in the face, because its TTTHHHRRREEEE DDDDEEEEEE!

i havent seen the other spy kids flicks, so i cant compare this to those, but i have a hard time believing the others were so... i dunno, goofy... this one definitely grabbed ahold of that nickelodeon aesthetic and never let go, although if youre a fan of the classic movie "tron" youll get a kick out of a few of the sequences... not to mention there are some laugh-out-loud funny rips on everquest losers, which is always a good thing...

if youve got kids, want to be reminded of how bad red-blue 3d sucks, or just have a strong desire to simulate a brain tumor and can see this film for cheap, check it out... otherwise, youll prolly wish youd seen something else.

thumbs sideways (and pointing out of the screen right in your fucking face) on this one...